02 October 2010


The topic of change is one that I have written about extensively in this blog. I have written about both external and internal change, transformation, evolution and healing in previous posts. 

External vs. Internal Change
To me, external change is about altering what is around you in your life- you may change jobs, change homes, change your relationship, change your income, change your body etc. It is our ability to make something different around us. This type of change excites me and I think I am slightly addicted to it. I love the freshness of a new environment or a new opportunity. I am very visual and I love it when things look different. It makes me feel alive and relieves the restlessness I often feel when things stay the same for too long. I have become quite a master at this form of change and I love throwing myself out of my comfort zone and in to the deep end to see if I will sink or swim.

On the other hand, internal change is about a shift that we make inside us. It involves changing our thoughts, our perceptions, our beliefs, our feelings. Basically we change who we are and who we are being. While I find this type of change equally as exciting and also quite fascinating, at the same time I find it extremely challenging.

True change
True change comes from the inside. Our society is very focused on external change and quick fixes. For example, if you are having trouble with your weight or with food, most people would go down the path of a quick external fix. They may go on a crash diet, exercise excessively or even go to lengths such as plastic surgery to change this outer problem. Few people would attempt to change this problem from the inside out, as this is a much more challenging path.

This would involve you having to find the courage to look at your self and your problem square on. It would mean finding the underlying cause of the problem which may actually be quite painful and could very well involve deep dark feelings of loneliness, emptiness, self loathing and rejection. Then you would have to explore these feelings and find a way to heal them. For most people it is much easier to just take action to change the outer effect. The problem with this type of change is that nothing actually really changes at all. The problem is still there and very often resurfaces again until the person is willing to look deep inside and do the inner work to heal.

My Inner Changes
I am writing about this today, as I am wanting to commit to some deep inner change at the moment. I want to change the person that I am. I have made lots of external changes over the past few years, but there are some big goals that I am wanting to achieve and I know deep down that in order to create those outer results I am going to have to do some inner change work.

If you have followed by blog since its conception, you would know that I have been doing a lot of inner work over the past year. I have healed and transformed many fears, limiting beliefs, childhood hurts, self destructive patterns, and have really worked on finding my truth. But of course there is still much to be done. So, I want to share with you what I am going to be working on.

True change comes from having the courage to face the truth and the willingness to do something about it, so here I go. The changes I am focusing on are primarily internal shifts, but part of me wanting to do this comes from the knowing that once I make the inner change, the outer world around me will naturally change too.

I want more inner peace

Why do I find this so hard? Because life just tends to get in the way. I very often wake up with the intention to be more peaceful but by the time I rush to get ready, make my lunch, fight my way on to public transport, get to work, and sit at my computer while shovelling in breakfast at my desk, my inner peace has pretty much gone out the window. I want to remember to breathe, to be centered, to feel relaxed and at ease with life, and to just allow things to flow.

I want to be more self loving
All I need to do is look in the mirror and the self critical chatter begins. My level of self acceptance seems to be so conditional and is therefore terribly unstable. One minute I am singing my praises, the next I am beating up on myself for doing something wrong. I just want to accept myself just as I am, no questions asked. I want to feel that I am beautiful and perfect just as I am. I want to love, adore and accept myself and speak to my self in kind and supportive ways.

I want to face my fears
I am very good at running away from that which scares me. I tend to be quite aware of where fear blocks me from doing what I want in life, yet I am not that great at doing anything about it. I procrastinate on doing things that scare me and rather than facing the fear when it comes up I suppress it, run away from it or do something to distract myself from it (like eat). I want the courage to face that which scares me. I want to see my fears for what they really are - thoughts! Really they are not real, they are very often just worst case scenarios that I make up in my head. I want to face these fears, work through them and heal them once and for all.

I want to be more present
My beautiful friend Sabrina wrote a post on this recently, and it was a friendly reminder for how un-present I have been lately. I want to revel in each moment, soak up its deliciousness, open my eyes to what is right in front of me NOW, and enjoy the blissfulness of simply being alive. Rather than dredging up and replaying old stories, or over planning and stressing about the future, I simply want to be. I want to just be in the now and enjoy it.

I want to believe in my self
Self doubt is one of my biggest problems. It can tear me down in a second. One minute I am charging forth toward my goals, and then before I even realise it that nasty voice of self doubt has rushed in to cut me down. "Who are you to do that/have that/be that?" it says. "As if you will ever be able to have what you want". My voice of self doubt has the ability to stop me in my tracks. Instead I want to be self supportive, and as I mentioned in a previous post, I want to be my own cheerleader. I want to coach myself along, tell myself that "I can" and believe that I am capable of doing anything I desire.

I want to nourish my self
Food is both my friend and my foe. Sometimes I use it to nourish me, and support me. Other times I simply try to fuel myself with whatever stimulant I can find to push past the fatigue that I feel. I want to nourish myself with food, with loving thoughts, with supportive actions and with deep breaths. I want to fill myself up with goodness and listen to my body when it tells me what it wants.

I want balance
I have a track record of being a bit of an extremist. I am an all or nothing type of girl. Instead I want balance. I want balance between rest and activity. I want balance in the foods I eat. I want balance between my alone time and my time with others. I want balance in the way I exercise. I want balance between work and play. I want balance between spending and saving. I want balance between giving and receiving. I want to be balanced in my emotions, my reactions and the way I see the world.

I want to be kinder to others
Sometimes I think really mean thoughts about others, especially strangers. If they bump me on the street, cut me off in traffic or do something I don't like, my mind goes in to a rampage of abusive thoughts. Sometimes I also think mean thoughts about people I know, such as my family or my work colleagues. I can be critical, judgemental, rude and bitchy. Instead I want to be kind. I want to accept others and refrain from judgement. I wish to treat others the way I want to be treated. I wish to forgive those who I feel have done me wrong. I want to send love and blessings to all those who cross my path. I want to be compassionate, and to remember that we are all in this together and each of us are simply doing the best we can.

I want to do the things that I know are good for me
I always have a long list of things that I want to do more of because they are good for me, yet somehow they never seem to become a priority. I want to exercise more. I want to meditate daily. I want to get my ass to yoga class. I want to eat nourishing foods. I want to write more. I want to drink vegetable juice. I want to make these things a priority. I want to make my wellness, my happiness and ME the most important thing. I want to no longer procrastinate on doing those things that I know are great for me.

So.... apologies for the long post! If you made it to the end and you wish to leave a comment about what inner changes you would like to make in your life, I would love to hear it


  1. Hi again! :D Girl... once again, it is like I am reading a journal entry that I wrote years ago; you so remind me of me! I have had the same desires. My life is all about making changes and improving myself!

    The biggest internal change that I am working on right now is learning to live in the here and now. I pray for this, and He is answering my prayers. I keep reading about it, watching movies about it, learning about it to the point that it now doesn't seem an impossible dream... it is AWESOME!

    I read your friend, Sabrina's blog post, too. Thanks so much for sharing it! You are both blessings to me today. :)

    I hope you enjoy the process of becoming... not just the results (I used to only enjoy end results - sad since it takes so long to get to the end, and then when you get there it is over!). Life is mostly process, so this is important. I really enjoy and appreciate this quote...

    The future is a mystery,
    The past is history,
    But today is a gift; that's why we call it the present.

    Good luck on your incredible journey of life!

    PS You are wonderful... just the way you are! ;D Ease up on yourself and enjoy the long journey of transformation.

  2. My therapist and I are tackling my self-esteem issues, and so I'm with you on becoming more self-loving. I wept when I realized how cruel I've been to myself--and I've done it for so long, I hardly know I'm doing it.

  3. I've just found your blog and really enjoyed this article. I think you've touched on some universal themes. A nice reminder for me to keep chipping away at the important things :) Have a great day and thank you for the post.

  4. I always make it to the end! I love your list, and lots of things are on my list too. "I want to do the things that I know are good for me", why is this one always so hard? I often actively avoid the things I want to do by procrastinating...it's ridiculous!

    See you soon x

  5. I relate to this so much!! Reiterates the fact that we are all indeed the same no matter where we come from.. thank u for ur courage!



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