11 April 2010


We all have the ability to create our own lives. So, I sometimes wonder how it is that many of us end up living a life that we do not love. Each decision we make dictates our destiny yet somehow without even meaning it we end up creating a destiny we do not actually like. We may reach a point in our lives where we stop and take a look around and realise we have ended up in a place that we are not truly happy with.

When we are children, living with passion, purpose and meaning is effortless. We are often so in tune with our hearts desire when we are young that we are naturally guided to do what we love. We don't even question it! Then as we grow up things sometimes change a little. Rather than listening to the whisper of our heart, we allow ourselves to be influenced by the world around us. We may end up following the guidance of our families or teachers, copying our peers, doing what is expected of us or doing what we think we need to do to gain external approval or outer indicators of success such as money and prestige. We may have a little voice of passion inside calling us to take a step in a different direction, but we ignore this path at the risk of losing some of our security, comfort or love from others.

Deep down inside we may know there is something else we are being called to do, yet for many of us, it is much easier to ignore it. Feelings of powerlessness and fear can plague us when we feel totally confused with how to translate our passions in to a career or to integrate more purpose in to our daily lives. So, we choose to ignore this little voice and we end up living driven by fear rather than love. The fear of taking risks, possibly failing, lack of financial stability, or of the opinions of others prevents us from following the love and passion in our lives.

What motivates you in life?
What is the driving force in your life? What causes you to make the decisions you make and to move your life in the direction you do? I am always fascinated by what drives people in life and whether they are primary motivated by internal or external factors and by love or by fear.

  • External motivators include; prestige, money, success and achievement, praise, rewards, material possessions.
  • Internal motivators include; love, joy, effortlessness, flow, fulfillment, passion, purpose, meaning.
  • Fear as a motivator will drive you to seek comfort, safety, sameness, ease and security. It can often be called an 'away from' motivator as it often causes you to try to move away from the things that challenge you or push against things that make you uncomfortable.
  • Love as a motivator will drive you to expand, connect with others, live your passion, learn and grow and become the best that you can be. It can be called a 'move toward' motivator as it will call you to move closer and closer to what you do want. Being motivated by love means that every day you are being pulled toward doing, being and having more of what truly makes your heart sing with joy.
When you are externally motivated things are fleeting. Your motivators will change and are under the influence of others in the outside world. Internal motivation never dies. It is driven by a sense of meaning a feeling of purpose and an unwavering passion.

I spent most of my teenage years and early twenties motivated by external factors and fear. Through navigating my existential crisis I have been forced to learn how to detach from external motivators and release the fear that has kept me running from what truly want.

Over the past year, I have stopped listening to the advice of my parents and comparing myself to what my friends are doing. I have had to feel safe going against the grain and doing things differently to others. I even stopped watching tv and reading magazines which told me I had to have a certain product or look a certain way. I have had to get quiet and spend some time alone to really get clear on what it is that motivates me internally.

I have had to learn how to listen to my inner guidance, follow my intuition, tap in to my true passions and prioritise those things that I love do. I quietened the voice of the world around me and turned up the voice of my inner guidance. My mission has been to find out what I really want in life, and what I was born to do.

A life of passion, purpose and meaning
So, if I have learned anything recently, it is that above all else, I want to live a life filled with passion, purpose, and meaning. I am at a point where I am much less concerned about what it is that I actually do, and instead I am only concerned with how I will feel when I do it.

I am now exactly sure as yet what I want to do. But here is what I do know...

I want my heart to sing with joy. I want to contribute to the world in a big way. I want to show people how to be the best they can be. I want freedom and flexibility and to my run my own business my way. I want to know that I am making a difference. I want everyday of my life to be filled with things that make me happy. I want to spread peace through the world. I want to be creative and self-expressive. I want to re-connect people with their hearts calling and with their passions. I want to teach people how to love themselves and each other. I want to inspire, empower and educate. I want to love what I do every day. I want to write. I want to create. I want to leave a legacy and stand for something. I want to help people become the highest vision they hold for themselves. I want to feel passionate and excited. I want to assist others to reconnect with their souls essence. I want to know that I am being the best me that I can be and that I am expressing my natural talents and doing what I want born to do.

I have attempted to bit by bit piece together a picture of what a life driven by purpose, passion and meaning might look like. As this image becomes clearer, I am letting go of things in my life that do not fit in to this image and I am focusing on adding in more of the things that are aligned with this picture.

Find out what you really want I am no longer content with superficial living. I want to get to the core of who I am and why I am here. I can no longer ignore my inner voice. I need passion, purpose and meaning in my life. I realised I am driven by a need to serve, to empower, to inspire, to teach and to make a difference.

I am tired of the emptiness, the lethargy and the frustration that comes from doing something that only fulfills your ego and not your heart. Why have we made it more important to make our ego happy rather than follow what our heart is calling us to do?

If, like me, you are on any level feeling that passion, purpose and meaning is lacking in your life, then it is time to embark on an inner journey of self discovery! It is time to find out what you love to do and what you were born to do.

Ask yourself questions like...

Who am I?
What am I doing here?
What unique, skills and talents do I have to bring to the world?
What am I passionate about?
What do I believe is my purpose?
What adds meaning to my life?
What do I love to do?
What am I naturally good at?
What did I love to do as a child?
What do I love to do in my spare time?
If I were to truly listen to my inner voice, what would it say? What would it tell me to do?
What makes me happy?

Take time out and reconnect with you. When you are doing what you were born to do you will be met with effortless success. Release the fear that is holding you back from being truthful to yourself. Have the courage to look inside, listen to your inner guidance and create a life driven by love, passion, purpose and meaning.


  1. Passion. Even if you hadn't mentioned that word that's most definitely what you exude Connie, and what I now realize so draws me to you and your words. I feel like I want to explode (in a very good way) after reading this! Your writing always stirs so much in me, it's a beautiful experience to read things such as you've written here.

    Our culture places FAR too much emphasis on material gain. Success is almost always defined by the number of degrees one has, the income they make, the car they drive. Yet I've never once seen proof that a six-figure income makes you a better person. Quite the contrary, some of the most 'successful' people I've seen are also the most unkind towards others. Having the ability to love yourself and others, and be loved in return is a far better indicator of success to me. You won't be remembered by how hard you worked nearly as much as by the lives you've touched.

    There is a tendency, of almost epidemic proportions, for people to resign themselves to an unhappy life. Their flame dies early because they LET themselves get beaten down by life, or rather their bad experiences. (Yes, no matter what you go through it IS a choice). They allow negative external influences to seep inward until those influences become internal de-motivators. I've had this talk with many people, in their forties and fifties especially. They argue that life is hard and talk as if it's normal to be burdened with the baggage which they bear. I'm forty-five and I have more hope and passion for my life than I ever have. My life hasn't always been easy but I refuse to give into the tough times. I choose to learn and grow from them rather than give into negative thinking. I refuse to become a bitter person; I want to look at my life now and look back on it in my later years with a smile.

    I've never been one to be driven in my career. I believe a job is what you do, not who you are. It doesn't define you. I can't say I'm doing what I dream of, I'm not even sure what that is. But I can say I absolutely enjoy what I do.

    Over the past year or so I felt that something was missing. That although I was contributing to my company I wasn't really contributing to others. What I felt was lacking in my job I've been able to make up for here, in the people I've met and the friends I've made through my blog. I've felt an overwheming need to help others, to listen, to provide direction or offer advice when asked. Is it something I want to pursue as a career change? I don't know. For now I find it incredibly fulfilling everytime someone tells me I've made a difference in their life, to whatever degree. This is my passion, and to me there is no greater feeling.

    The tag line on my blog says, "If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders." I think this is perhaps the best indicator of what we were meant to do with our lives, and what will ultimately bring us the most inner peace and satisfaction.

  2. Beautiful! Thank you so much for reminding me that I want to study more because it gives me a sense of fulfillment, and less because I want to earn money.

  3. I went through a similar existential crisis. I realized that I was not happy with my life as it was headed. It lead me to a lot of questions. I ended up drastically changing my life path (from law school to transpersonal therapist). I am so happy that I did now. The other day my husband said to me, "I am sooo proud of you for leaving law school." In my heart I was proud too. It's nice to be passionate about my path and know that I am choosing to love myself. Great post, very inspirational!!!

  4. I just found your blog, and I have to say I am already hooked. About a year ago I realised I wasn't happy with my life, and I made the decision to stop crying about it and actually take steps to actually make it one I did like. It was very scary, but the journey has, and continues to lead me into all the places I dreamed I could go. More people should realise the power they have over the shape their lives take. It's something I'm continually trying to remind myself of :)

  5. This is a great post.

    I'm actually going to answer the questions of "what you really want". It'll be a great form of indulgence to self-discovery.

  6. anyone who reads this blog cannot let another single day go by without working towards their life's purpose or a least looking deep within to find what that is. Fear can be our biggest enemy, but I implore you to make it your biggest motivator!!!! Please, please, please DON'T let fear stop you from living a bigger, fuller LIFE!!! If you follow fear, there IS ALWAYS something good behind it..I promise!



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