12 June 2012


I am a recovering control freak. And while I have come a long way in my journey, and have released many old habits, I am fast realising that there is always more to learn. 

I still pride myself on being a highly organised person. My diary is my lifeline and a detailed to do list is my crutch. I can be quite analytical at times, and I have a tendency to over-think things. I tend to feel most at ease when I have a plan... 

... or when I know how something will unfold, 

... or when events run to my pre-determined schedule, 

... or when I can be organised and prepared in advance, 

...or where I have the ability to manipulate and control what is happening. 

Yep, clearly there are still some control-freak tendencies going on there!


When you fixate on controlling outcomes so that you can have things your way, you encounter...

Chaos. Struggle. Lack of Flow. Brick walls. Dead ends. Stress.

You create problems. And then what happens? You do your best to fix the problem and you simply make the problem worse. The more you try to fix a problem, the more you focus on the problem, and the more of the problem you get.

Doing things your way = getting in the way. When you try to hustle your way to your desired outcome, you are simply interfering. When you try to impose force, things will fall apart. The more you push, the more the Universe resists.


A few weeks ago there was a lot going on in my life.  I was blessed with a huge pile of rather challenging experiences to which I could not resolve no matter how hard I tried.  There was a long list of situations that needing solutions, and I could not see any resolution in sight. The Universe was (lovingly) teaching me how to release my final grips of control.

I was finding myself getting whipped up in fits of anxiety. I was fretting about how things were going to unfold, and why they were not going according to my schedule. I could feel myself becoming more and more tense, and as much as something inside me was yelling "just let go" I could not seem to do it. 

Gradually, slowly but surely, I started practicing some of the principles I will share with you in a moment. I can now look back on the events over the past few weeks and breathe a huge sigh of relief to see that somehow magically and beautifully everything has sorted itself out. And I have done pretty much nothing to fix these problems, all I simply did was get out of the way.


Step 1: Get the lesson 
You are experiencing these challenges for a reason. There is something to learn here. Unless you get the learning from this experiences, you will continue to attract similar experiences over and over again until you do.

Step 2: Stop doing
When there are problems that need solutions many of us go in to action overdrive, trying to make stuff happen. Before you do anything else, you simply need to stop. Decide that for 24-48 hours, you are not going to do anything to try to resolve this issue.

Step 3: Focus on your outcome
Focus on your end result and nothing else. Forget about how it is going to happen, and even what it is going to look like. Just focus on what you want to happen in the end and how you want to feel once your result is reached. 

Step 4: Let go your plan
Let go of how you think it needs to unfold or when you think it needs to happen by. Surrender your plan. The more you fixate on how you have decided it has to unfold, the less likely you will be to notice anything outside of that. The solution may be sitting right in front of you, but you can't see it.

Step 5: Feel good
Positive energy attracts positive experiences. You can not get a positive resolution when you are stressed. This was the clincher for me. As soon as I started to relax and allow myself to feel better, everything started working. I stopped thinking about the problem and just imagined how awesome I would feel once this was all resolved. 

Step 6: Remain open minded
Remember, it may not come in the form that you thought it would. It may not happen as you planned. So remain open minded. Be flexible. Accept whatever comes. Do not block any options, instead remain open to all of them. An open energy allows in alot more opportunities than a closed energy does. 

So, I know it sounds scary (particularly for control freaks amongst us) but it works. It takes practice. It takes a bit of trial and error to develop confidence in this process. But I recommend you give it a go. The more you work it, the more it works.

I would love to hear your stories of times where you have applied this to your own life...

+ Have you ever had the experience of trying to make something happen your way, and experiencing road blocks. And then as soon as you relaxed, let go and got out of the way, everything fell in to place?


  1. Where were you exactly 24 hours ago? Ha ha, Yes, yes a million times YES! You are so right on with this. I just had this realization last.night. I was going into hyper drive juggling a million things, being really intense, because, perseverance and determination is always rewarded, right? Well yes, but only if you are moving in the flow. I've been sick this week and I had a cold last week which made me realize I was in a state of dis-ease. I evaluated my situation and realized I am trying to force my timeline and outcome according to my to-do list and calendar. I know better than that. I got clear on my outcome and I am letting the Universe take care of it itself. Instead of writing 2 blog posts, and answering emails first thing in the morning, I instead just went outside, sat quietly and observed nature. Today, already I am receiving so many messages that are confirming that "Letting Go" is all I had to do. Thank you Connie for being one of those messages. From one (constantly reforming) Control Freak to another....

  2. Hi Connie! I am new to your site and really enjoying the information. I too, used to be a controller. There are times when it tries to jump in there, but then I say "Hey, you! I am aware that you are there, but I no longer need your services. I have a new way of life." Acknowledge the old pattern, and put the new one into the driver's seat. By that, I do mean by stepping out of the way as you discussed. It has made such a difference in my life - less stressful, more loving, open, patient, just so much better. Thanks for this post. It is reassuring and I plan on sharing it on my blog (if that's OK) on my Thoughtful Thursday posts (will be next week). I have been really working on myself in the past year, clearing out old thoughts/ patterns/ ideas and opening myself to my highest good in whatever way the Universe sees fit for me. Just today, I saw something new/ old about myself that no longer benefits me. Very cool! Look forward to your posts and will keep in touch!

  3. Having children! That takes care of any plan I ever had, lol. It is challenging, but worth it, to let go, be flexible and go with the flow. I am reminded of a saying..."We plan, God laughs.."

  4. Yep I hear you loud and clear on this one! I had the same problems a few weeks back, and learnt my lesson that I was getting in my own way. It's hard at first, but even admitting that you're powerless over things can be impowering! I have a post-it stuck to my computer screen that says 'Just Flow With It'. It's my daily reminder to do my best, feel good, meditate, and hand things over. Another awesome post Connie x



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